HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! I read an article with your interview, and it really twisted my panties into a large bunch. Yes, OF COURSE, I’ll tell you about it. One question hit my buttons because I’ve been struggling with just this issue recently. The title of the offending interview was “Liv Tyler’s unfiltered thoughts on being a mom” and of course it was sponsored by GAP. They ask her about the photo shoot with beautiful celebs and their darling babies. BLAH BLAH BLAH. I love Liv Tyler, and I LOVE THEIR CAUSE of EVERY MOTHER COUNTS. However, I guffawed with a “ARE YOU SERIOUS” when I read the below (thank you refinery29.com for such sharp, tough question- no follow up):
There’s a common stereotype about motherhood that suggests it’s a sacrifice — you give up your dreams or yourself in order to raise children. What’s your take?
“Being a mother has given me the strength and experience to know myself more and a desire to truly do it all. I constantly feel inspired by other mothers — working mothers, stay-at-home mothers, all kinds of mothers — and I feel so grateful that I am able to realize my dreams of motherhood and feel fulfilled creatively and professionally.”
Whoever is her publicist, BRAVO- for skirting the issue. However, I craved hearing what Liv really had to say, cause if this is it. I call HORSESH*%. I am constantly struggling with the sacrifice of motherhood. I’m a proud professional, I love my kids, and I miss my full time career when I could say, “sure, no problem.” As a mom who has gone back to work as soon as possible, then waited longer and worked from home several days, and now am staying home and taking calls during nap time- I’m losing my mind with sacrifice. I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT OTHER WOMEN THINK and how they handle this mind numbing equation. With all of the Mother’s Day feel good ads going around, I really had hoped for more than just an ad because at the end of the day- we are amazing and I expect more.
I’m constantly acknowledging nature’s imperative for animals to eat their young during times of high stress. I totally get it. The impossibility of loving a being so much and at the same time wishing they didn’t exist can really strip a momma raw. Society is telling moms how they should feel, pushing terrible spending patterns, and holding up rich white ladies as who we should aspire to be as mothers. (no offense Liv) We work and are super heros, we stay at home and are martyrs for the cause. No one wins. I feel like I’m constantly in a hamster wheel, but I’m an alligator so I don’t bend that way! I get it, we need someone to get real. I don’t want feel good articles, I want information. I want someone to be REAL.
I want to take a moment to appreciate all these women who are in the most blessed raw/sweet deal of a lifetime. We are blessed to be mothers. It is not a given, but an honor that not all realize is such. Yet at the same time we are tortured by our secret need to be our whole selves without someone needing us, and thanking our lucky stars/praying to God that we are so fortunate to give this sacrifice of ourselves so that we can love a little one. Celebs and real moms (those of us who don’t live on clouds and marshmallows) have such a narrow line to walk to not be despised or loved. Double edged sword right? King Arthur never had it so tough.
I have never in my life so appreciated my mother as I do now after giving birth to 3 wonderful daughters. I recently moved closer to her to help out, because family is all there really is right? She’s been widowed 10 years so I know she can use my help, and I cherish the time my kids get to spend with her and build a relationship. Yet even now, I still act like a child around her and ask for more. I hope you know I’m so sorry for repeating the same word over and over day after day. I really regret that I was a bedwetter, on your behalf. I still hate that I need you, because I’m an adult. It will never end, this sacrifice that mothers make- and so Momma….I love you. I appreciate you. I know you made a huge sacrifice for me so that I could grow up and set a good example. I know now just the beginning of how tough this really is, and I appreciate being able to be a part of the circle of life- while hating the sacrifice of personal achievement and sanity. Now go give your momma a hug, or at the very least a phone call :).