Things that go BUMP

I heard the clink of glass in the kitchen while I was folding laundry. Ignored. Heard it again. Went to investigate. Found this:

When asked what in the world is going on? Crafting, for daddy’s birthday.

I have never crafted in my life.

#craftlife #momsohard

P.s. yes, it IS a pound of bacon by the milk. These kids dream big.


The ad all mom’s want answered

WANTED: Someone who loves an orderly house, and believes cleanliness is next to godliness. You will be required to do laundry, not forgetting to pre-rinse all speed, pooped &vomited upon items. Clean all surfaces and keep all items in their place so our cluttered house looks like a minimalist modern masterpiece. Cook whole 30 compliant meals that taste like they are not at all compliant. Wake up between midnight and 1am & carry my slumbering 3 & 5 yr old to toilet so they don’t wet the bed.

References required, interviews next week. Please submit CV to

Salary: non-negotiable. Unpaid in cash, but I’ll be your best friend forever.

Pictured:my laundry pile after 2 straight, uninterrupted hours of folding with two more loads in the dryer. #thestruggleisreal #momsohard #laundrypile


I wouldn’t let Mira pour her own granola on her yogurt. I mean, she’s 1.5. So in her rage she picked up her bowl and shot put it across the room, where it landed face down. I looked at her with a stone cold gaze, and she snarled at me and stared back in defiance. I would have taken a pic, but currently #ijustcant

She is her mother’s daughter.