you think your kids are really cute. You look around at other kids & think, yeah- they’re cute, kind of…my kids are so much cuter.
Everyone thinks this. It’s okay, I think your kids aren’t as cute as mine either.
I will admit on some days though, I think my kids are ugly in spirit. Then they get over THAT hump, & I’m back to thinking they’re WAY cuter than yours.
Pull out snacks on the playground & they come creeping up like scavengers, with their soulful eyes that make you say “aw, so cute! I’ll just give them one”. Big mistake.
They’ll stay & keep talking nonsense to you just out of reach hoping to snag the whole bag & run. Just like gulls at the beach, there’s no escaping once you feed them. Then you have to dodge the death stares of the tiger/helicopter moms, because you fed their little Peregrine before meal time. I mean, at least it was organic.
Even my own monkeys join in the hunt, & they’re angels….
Bedtime is at 8pm. 4 trips to bathroom. 1 pj change. 2 stories. A cry for her newest obsession “blinky” (a square piece of fuzzy fabric). A request for water. Another request for water, because previous water is now ‘old’. 2 angry exchanges with daddy. Then a pleading reply to let him know there’s room for daddy in her bed. Singing to self.
Escape to mommy’s bed….trip back to her bed with this final bedtime convo at 10pm.
“To bed, close your eyes. No more bathroom, no more water. If you don’t listen, you’re going to be in trouble,” idle threats by me.
“Rar! I’m not going to call you mommy anymore, you mean” she bellows.
“Well, then when you cry for mommy the next time because you’re scared or hurt I won’t come to you” declares me nastily, like the troll she imagines me to be.
“Why?”
“Because if you say I’m not mommy I can’t act like mommy.”
“Mommy! I love you” Says the savvy stinker quite sweetly.
I have won the battle, not the war.
P.S. We struggled for the longest time getting her to sleep in her own bed. Don’t let them break you steele mommies, hold out for 1 week & you’ll get the best sleep of your life by night #8…because you’ll never have been so tired in your life. What’s your best tip?
“I a go a up a here, be this big cat. Do something, do something. Take my pictures”
Overheard as e climbed the hill. Not sure if all of this was for me, or if verbatim exactly what she said.
I grew up not understanding differences between people. We’re all the same, we’re all equal. Until of course, the world shows us differently.
As I navigated my life, I came to understand most adults didnt share my simplistic view. Not everyone has the same advantages, because humans like to put everything into classes from species to skin color to socioeconomic classes & then judge them to be better than or less than. As though we have that right.
Let’s teach our kids that differences are to be celebrated. Its what makes us each special. Let #lovewin. No judgements, just life & love. Love makes the life worth it.
SCOTUS got it right today, simply let love rule.
Remember mcgruff the crime dog from the late 80s? He’s got nothing on Evie. She was just taking a sip, with her jaws of life, & this happened.
Overheard through screen door.
Daddy, “do you know what that is?”
“What?”
“Its for scooping up dog poop”
“It is? Dog poop?”
“Yes, to pick up dog poop from the yard”
“DOG POOP, WHERE ARE YOU?”
E is on the prowl now for poop.
I had previously told her it was a rake & rock mover to straighten her rock garden. Adults ruin everything.
Totally got parent shamed by the flight attendant on our frontier flight. After we were informed we’d be flying with andy the Antelope on our wing tips, she informed the flight (us) that babies must be changed in the restroom only, not in the seat…clearly for hygenic reasons. Then we must dispose of our diaper properly, in the trash.
Duh.
We had literally the only 2 children on the plane, & lady, this ain’t my first rodeo.
I left our trash on the floor instead & a soft pretzel in the sear pocket…because I’m not a bigger person. Its the small things.
Tip of the day : never parent shame, you don’t know my life. Im a smart mommy, don’t assume im an asshole.
On the plus side, got to budget car rental & got an Expedition at no extra cost (3am special). Cooling my butt on the air conditioned seats.
Its silent, but deadly. Like a ninja, stealthily seeping through until its too late. Your baby just shit on you. Literally.
It smells, & its sticky. Never looks good on adult clothes. With a onesie, youll never get it off without poo in the hair. So not only is it on your couch, clothes, baby hair & bod…you’re gonna have to give the creature a bath.
Is this article helpful? No. Why do I share? Because someone is covered in poo & its bad manners to bring up poop at work ALL the time. Gotta tell someone.
Share with us your worst poo. It will feel good, I swear… i like the filters on #abeautifulmess app. Brings a certain fairy like quality to shit. Who knew? Those ladies are geniuses.
P.S. for my baby dreft works well, or if your going au natural, doc bronners pre treat is stellar. For toddler clean, the only thing ive found that really gets out that pungent odor is oxi clean pre treat!
I saw this woman walk by in khakis & a tube top, while counting quarters with E on the laundry stoop.
Thought to myself, “interesting choice. Rock on. Wish i could wear that.”
I ran two avenues between wash cycles…someday soon bandeau, we’ll meet again. I swear it.
steelemommy 