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And realize it was supposed to be a costume party. Improvise.  It’s another great reason to keep everything you might ever need in your car.

Car pillaging version of Tiny princess dancer.

Just a little bit when Big E whispers nonsense at me over & over at right before bed in the dark. At first it was super cute, the longer the repetition goes on, creepsville.

More intense than ever…with a new twist of looking like a 5 year old & only being 3. Oh the impulse control of a toddler is a miracle, from hell.

I just can’t….

Believe I’m not allowed to strip in the lobby.

And every surface is covered with varying sizes & colors of cupcake liners. I didn’t even know we owned any.

Happy Friday.

Get my youngest to walk. After dinner, I had both of her hands & she  pulled herself up.

Next, we walked a few steps to a piece of squash SHE had flung from her dinner tray.  She squatted, & paused to pick it up & pop it in her mouth.

Back up she went & with extra incentive to make it to the next stop. Reward system, physical activity, & cleaning ALL IN ONE.

My husband looked on in disgust & was totally judging me. He totally doesn’t understand how genius this is…

Not to laugh at my daughter’s distress because the tissue I’m holding out to her to wipe a disgusting toddler booger off her face is, “not good enough”.

She’s crying hysterically.

Just paused as she eyed a platsic baggie & ran over to use it on her face.

I guess plastic is the new soothing tissue of toddler choice. Kids are gross.

I still love the little savages  so much it surprises me every day.

you just can’t?  For instance, I just can’t write about it because I’ll sound like a crazy person.  When you wake up feeling like you haven’t slept a sound night in a week. Let’s be real, you haven’t slept soundly in 4 years, but you have built up tolerance for a lack of sleep so you don’t understand why you’ve been asleep for 9 hours & it feels like 15 minutes.

Or that time a few minutes later you were driving away from the gas pump & the noise it made gave you a vision of dangling gas pumps…but when you look out you realize someone  hit the concrete block beside the gas pump & totally messed up their car.  Suckers.

Compound that with the sight of the most giant beetle with pinchers you’ve ever seen just peep out over the top of your toe as you had your feet propped up in bed. You thought it was a stiff breeze from the air purifier. NOPE.

Days like these well, sorry James Blunt, don’t turn into nights like THIS where people are magically falling in love.  Been there, done that- now we’re trying to keep our sanity.

For work I read an article about being grateful, and giving thanks actually helps us improve our outlook, improve our world.  Scientifically through our brain functions it makes us feel better.  This is your cliff notes version.

So basically, being thankful does turn us into being better people.  I’ve been giving it a whirl, and while initially I balked at it because I just felt really, well, really ungrateful.  I found that being grateful for my haves, instead of have nots make me a better person.  At least for today, and maybe it will carry over another.  Having done this on alternating days, I find it lasts about 36 hours & then I need to be grateful again to get a boost. You should totally try it, it really puts perspective on your life about what’s important & shuts up that whiny voice that tells you to feel sorry for yourself.

Today I was grateful for:

1. sitting outside with my girls & tickling Little L’s fatty bo batty belly until she giggles her monster style chuckle. It’s so cute!
2. Waking up to a tantrum free morning, oh how smooth it goes when everyone’s smiling
3. The really cool folks I’m surrounded by at work.  It’s pretty awesome to work with people who genuinely care about each other.  I hear other people’s work stories & give MUCH thanks.

Yell at Daddy when he’s driving.

She paused & looked at me and then screeched in one run-on phrase, “I’m not yelling at daddy, im yelling at you!”

“Get me my water.”

I stare straight ahead, trying not to laugh as a I contemplate my next move in this never ending game of chess.

Jacob hits me.

“why does he hit you?  did you hit him back?” (this may be incorrect, but how i was raised to stand up for myself)

I like him.

“Oh yeah?  Is he your friend?”

Yes, I miss him.  Do I get to go to school tomorrow?  I want to see Jacob.

I silently worry about my people pleasing daughter & what will become of her in her teenge years.  I’m hoping her tenacious & stubborn streak will serve her well in these areas, in a GOOD way.  These worries start at such a young age.   These little kids are little people.   IT’S SO SCARY.

According to my fitbit, I was restless 20 times & awake for 20 minutes 3 times last night to set the stage of my mindset.  This morning as E chattered on & on asking the same question multiple times I told her snarkily to, “stop asking me stupid questions & go get your shoes.”

Ever have that moment when you snap & a milisecond later see the shards of yourself sprinkled on the floor? Millions of little mirrors reflecting what a terrible mother you are? It’s a little soul twisting. Then you get a hug from your surprisingly resilient monster, & know you just revealed your worst self to a sponge?

I cried tears of regret all the way to daycare as I reassured my child that I love her & all questions are A-OK. Every day & every moment is a gift. I forget sometimes & my cruelty reminds me of this frailty.