Author: steelemommy

I will never be a foodie. I do not have the discipline to engage in a diet of any kind other than “I’ll eat what I want…”.  However, after really trying to eat healthy & doing a lot of research I’m finding a lot of conflicting info on what to feed my kiddos #GMOS #PALEO #WHOLE #HOLY SHIT.  So based off of my own common sense, & the combined wisdom of all kinds of food experts from Robyn O’Brien to Heather O’Hara of the super cool Heather O’Made blog, to the pretty impressive blog- the clothes make the girl & nom nom paleo (mind you this was all 3am food googling as I ate 10 truffles about healthy eating), HERE is my hypothesis and what I’m going to do about it.

1. GMOS are some terrible shit. Watch Robyn O’Brien’s Ted Talks here for just a taste of this info.

• Where’s the responsibility with the food industry & these giant corporations?  Time to get on the horn and give these guys a piece of your mind.  Feedback is a powerful thing.  Money is what they’re after, and if families across america start going local & fresh and stop the madness, these giants may do the right thing.
• What’s a GMO?  find out more here
• My take:  It just makes sense.  My grandpa was a farmer & we grew up picking our vegetables straight from the garden.  He typically used heritage seeds & that stuff was just amazing.  Also, all of our meat was grass fed with no antibiotics or modified feed. Plus, what’s the deal- growing up I knew not a soul with a food allergy.  Now, my child can’t take nuts of any kind to school.  She can’t share food that has dairy with her friends.  While I thank my lucky stars she escaped allergies, what is going on?  She didn’t just win a genetic lottery- there’s something going on in this country with the food supply.

2. It’s really hard to eat healthy using whole foods without learning a TON.  I will make mistakes

• I’m going to have to make food charts of the following:
  • The Dirty Dozen
  • Paleo grocery list (so i can remember all those natural fat, etc.)
  • Get my recipes for the week & make a shopping list each time.
• I’ll need to consult the experts- i.e. my health friends like Heather O’Hara, Jennifer Pesce, and Rose. (see yoga with rose, she’s amazing).

3. I’m going to have to experiment.

• No way will my children, my husband, or even myself go for the paleo diet or anything of the sort- it’s a lot of work & I don’t like a lot of the foods.  Will I change my tastebuds?  Maybe, but there’s not an eskimo’s chance we can start this healthy eating cold turkey. Example- I hate cauliflower, but tonight we’ll try spicy cauliflower in cheese with a few adjustments!
• We’re going to substitute out sugars as much as possible, introduce a LOT more vegetables, cut down on pastas & processed foods.  Here’s my first mini goal:  One week of meals using only healthy fats and no added sugars.  No cereals.

I’ll keep you posted & let you know how it goes!  What’s your experience with eating whole foods with no processing?  Have any tricks or tips to share?  Perhaps a sample meal plan or grocery list with costs?

I don’t think I’ve found anything worse than being in a 500 sq foot space on a snow day with a rambunctious toddler & a new baby.  You can’t really go outside, you can’t really stay inside if you expect everyone to survive.  Here’s what took up about 3 hours of our morning today during the first snow of the day.

1. pack your snow bag.  It consists of extra gloves & an umbrella.  You won’t be out long.

2.  Wish for the following items you don’t have, but wish you did:

• a bjorn cover see the snow covering my Aden & Anais blanket below.

• a wet weather stroller cover
• your best snow boots out of storage (I prefer L.L. Bean  boots as pictured here, shearling lined, ahhh)

3. Find a task to do so your snow time won’t last all of 5 minutes.  We went to the post office to pick up a package.  The post office is across the street, so we didn’t have far to go!

4. If you have sleds, get them, find a hill & let the kids go crazy!  ( we don’t have that here & Evie is just too young to get it quite yet)

Here are a few conversations/lessons to start with if you’re on city streets- NO YELLOW SNOW.  If you pick up snow, it needs to be snow that is white & is free of footprints.   LEAVE YOUR GLOVES ON.  Otherwise you’ll get cold & we have to go home!  Most kids get it, but start early.  With my 2 year old the yellow snow made sense.  She watches dogs pee all the time so understood.  However, the gloves- it was a lesson learned through experience.  Sometimes, ya just gotta let kids go!  Don’t be a helicopter mom.  They’ll get it eventually.

Like most new moms, trying new things just aren’t on my agenda on a daily basis. I go to work for 10 hours, come home & play with the baby. Feed her, bathe her, bed time. Follow up on some work emails & head to bed myself. Sometimes, I even have a conversation with my husband. I don’t have time to work out & I don’t have time to do other things. At least, that’s what I’ve been telling myself for the last few months. I know I can do more, but is the trade off worth it? Let’s say if I found 30 minutes 3 times a week to work out at least my pants will fit again.

However, its important to feel human because it will make you a better parent & partner. So I thought I’d start small & just get back out there. I just returned from a wonderful event that a friend of mine put on at her house for her facebook group Yummy Mummies NYC. It was so wonderful to meet other moms from different backgrounds with different experiences. One mother spoke French to her daughter, while her husband spoke English. I’m so very jealous of moms who can teach their children languages from a young age! Another mom had twins around the same age as Evie- she has got it together. It’s so wonderful to talk with other moms about where their children are at & to hear the problems they are struggling with & getting input from others. It’s not anything like what I had supposed back when I was in my early 20’s heading out to “socialize” every night & thought that mommy groups would just be the end of the world for me. It was so much fun & a great support to see other moms & other babies outside of my own comfort zone. So THANK YOU to Rose for pulling me out of my house on a Sunday & getting Evie some socialization with the other babies.

Check out community boards in your areas or ask friends to see if they know anyone in your area who is a mom. There are always groups available, & while the first one you try may not be the right fit, that’s okay. At least you got out there! It’s kind of like finding the perfect pair of jeans- you will have to try on more than one pair to find the ones that make your butt look like you’re an Olympic track star. It’s worth the extra effort. Trust me.

This morning I woke up & went about my business as usual, until I got to the point where I drop off the kiddo with my husband as I’m in transit to work. As he was putting on the Bjorn he asked, “Did you hear about the lady across town & her kids?” Of course, I spent my morning dozing & watching Hulu plus in bed so- no, no I did not.

here’s the link to the story http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/two_infants_found_stabbed_to_death_NjcV3038uqFzJAyJLGOGKK from the NY Post.

It’s hard to write about, but basically a live in nanny stabbed 2 children to death & turned the knife on herself. The mother came home with her youngest child & found them. The father still doesn’t know as he was on a plane home from San Francisco.

I swear to goodness I almost called in so that I could stay home & hug my baby. However, my husband told me I can’t live in fear, so I proceeded to buy my monthly metro card & head in to work. It sparked so many conversations throughout they day as people just could not believe it. Every time it came up, I got the chills. the terror of leaving your child with someone else is just a GIANT leap of faith. Along with a lot of great research, recommendations, & a whole lot of intuition.

One person I spoke with said, “this is exactly why we only leave our child with family.” Unfortunately, this is a luxury that many families just don’t have, not to mention- remember ? Even moms can destroy their own family. I highly recommend that whoever you leave your child with, do the research & get a recommendation from someone you know & TRUST. In no way am I suggesting that the family in the article did not proceed with due diligence, & they will certainly be in my prayers in the coming years actually. It is just a sobering reminder that life is not in our hands & a chilling story that shows how fragile relationships can be, even with those we trust.

Every hospital has a diaper brand that provides them with free stuff- because all research points to success for brands who get to moms the first time around- i.e. whatever your baby wears in the hospital you’re most likely to stick with.
It’s true too! I’m a total sucker.  Plus they had coupons- which are novel to me & I love them.   They pile up everywhere in my house with so many good intentions.

So far, Pampers Swaddlers have been my winner- baby girl wore them in the hospital & I’ve strayed a few times only to have the most giant  “episodes” happen in the most public places where the other brands received an F for “failed beyond my wildest dreams”
Unfortunately, pampers swaddlers only go to size 3 & my little monster is already there after 5 months.
Pampers swaddlers- they have the lines!   The ones that tell you when you’re wet- great for first time mommies.  They reek of fragrance & I don’t like the chemicals in them.

Kirkland- at an incredible savings of 12 cents a diaper they had me at  Cheap-o.  When I opened them- even more excited!  They had the LINES!!!!  Unfortunately, on my way home via public transportation from Hoboken, NJ back to Manhattan on one of the hottest days of the year….my little love started farting at 59th street on the 6 train, which then turned into shitting at 68th street, which continued until 86th street.  By that time she had fumigated the entire train car & so I hurried to exit so I wouldn’t see everyone giving me dirty looks.  As I started up the stairs I thought I was uncommonly sweaty in the bjorn but chocked up to the heat, until my legs felt wet at which time I thought maybe I had peed myself & that pregnancy had taken a more serious toll on my pelvic floor muscles.  I looked down & my legs & shoes were covered in brown ick….POOOP.   Thank you Kirkland for saving me 12 cents a diaper, but providing a cleaning bill more than your case of diapers & a grossness that made me think my baby’s poops were no longer cute.  Really, the only thing you can do is laugh & make a face as you walk the 7 blocks to your home, while pretending to use your one remaining baby wipe to clean up.  Do not take the baby out of the carrier, it will only spread the ick.  Get help once you arrive at your destination- pull the baby out of the carrier while standing in the tub.

Huggies- no negatives, but no lines!  Also a bit on the chemical side.  I couldn’t find as many coupons- but they are on sale quite often at Babies R Us.

Disposables- I can’t go there, I really wanted to because G diapers had such cute covers.  however, in a city where laundry is four blocks away it’s just not feasible.

7th generation- these held in the little bitty new baby excretions, but not sure they’d hold up to the bigger girl messes.  They also felt a little rough against the skin & were wetter when taking them off.  If I hadn’t had the kirkland experience I think I may keep using these because they don’t smell all chemically dangerous like the other diapers.

I was looking frantically for childcare a few weeks ago when my mom, who is from Indiana, had to go back home.  She had faithfully been watching my little bundle of joy anytime day or night.  The kind of care that has no price tag, because it’s done with love & that’s priceless.  The thing is,  I want the same thing for my baby girl even when she’s gone.  Unfortunately, we only have 1 grandma visiting in town.  I made countless calls to daycares, & what I’ve found is that childcare in new york city costs more than my private collegiate education per year.  If you want a daycare, you have to get on a waiting list.  If you want a nanny or a sitter to come to your home, your in jockeying position with all the Upper East Side Park Avenue mommas who don’t have a job, can offer benefits, paid vacation, & more money than I make in a year.
Best bets:

• If you have a limited budget, be up front- you won’t get people who will waste your time.
• Tell all your friends- word gets around & people who may not normally do childcare are free for a few weeks here & there.  You can cut & paste together a schedule of various people who won’t tire of your baby & will find it novel to make cash for doing something they’d do for free a few days here & there.
• Post fliers- very 1960’s, but it works.  Take your baby with you (if s/he is not a crier) & get them all dressed up.  Win the hearts of the business owners where you post the fliers & they will be your advocate.
• craigslist- be direct about what you can afford & you’ll sort through the riff raff.  Also, make sure to meet initially in a public space

I didn’t use any online services or pay anything to find my sitters.  I had interviews with a lot of wonderful women, even after I found the people I was going to use (notice I said people, i have a group of folks I rotate & have as backups) I continued answering calls so if one person fell through, I had backups.  I also got a lot of great advice, & I also got yelled at for being a cheapskate. Someone actually called to yell at me because I wasn’t paying enough…then she asked me to hire her.  it takes all kinds- so get a thick skin & stick to your guns.  Some people think a posted wage is a starting point for negotiations.

From one nanny I really wished I could hire (but she required full time year round & was looking for something that we couldn’t offer) she said “make sure you & your husband have a date night.  I’m available evenings if you need me.”  I laughed & said “yeah right, like we can afford a night off after we’re done paying you”  She replied, “honey, you will go round & round for the next 18 years & wake up one morning next to a stranger if that’s your attitude.  find the money or take a day off work, because the relationship that you let go must be worth more than what you’d pay me.  Otherwise, you’d never have made that commitment in the first place.  Don’t ever forget it.  Your baby needs to see what a real relationship is, & it takes work & time apart for each other.  This is how we build a future for ourselves, by showing our children the type of life we want them to lead.  I tell all my families this- even if you don’t hire me- take a date night at least once every 2 weeks or you’ll regret it.”

I’ll remember Ms. XX for the rest of my life & will work to remember this advice.  It does work wonders.

So in New York there’s a waiting list for everything that’s decent, and we’re not just talking Birkin bags (like I’d ever really be on a wait list for this).  The first thing I did was go onto all the websites & check out the good reviews.  Then all the people that everyone liked…none of them took my insurance.  So I checked my doctors, saw who was closest & which hospitals they went to & it was a process of elimination of who had the first appointment.  I happened to be very lucky, or maybe I’m just low maintenance.  My OBGYN, Dr. Anita Shrivastava, is awesome.  The first few visits were amazing, & I liked the idea of a practice where I’d meet all the doctors so I wouldn’t have a stranger up in my crotch business at birth.  One piece of advice, be aware of the rest of the staff.  How they treat you during your visits & the services they provide are JUST as important as the doctors because you spend more time with them & when you’re an emotional wreck they can make or break your experience with imagined slights.  Also, check to make sure your OBGYN isn’t pregnant, because then they’ll never ever be by your side at birth.  Be aware though, all those nice visits where they just take your blood pressure & monitor your heart?  They come around to PANTS OFF VISITS. After they lull you into feeling comfortable for 7 months of answering questions while you sit there in your warm comfy winter clothes, they tell you to undress from the waste down & then stick a hand up there to see how it’s going.  It’s a LOT different to be your skinny little self lying on a table at 6 weeks when they do the pants off visit than your current beached whale roly polyness.  After that visit, the proverbial gloves come off….be prepared.

I was pregnant & now I’ve had a baby.  YAY! I intended to start this when I was pregnant, but I intended to exercise every day as well…

I had a lot of time to look for specifics (typically between 2 & 4 a.m. as that’s my AWAKE baby hours) about what to expect, things I need, what are the best things I REALLY need- there’s a lot of bull hockey (or B.S. if you will) that just says I need to buy a lot of stuff & spend a lot of money.  I didn’t get any real stories from real moms.  Maybe it’s because I’m new to motherhood & don’t know where to look- but I have to say I’m a little disappointed with the general knowledge out there & lack of details.  I need some stories people!  I need real insights into what happens & what products are the best.  I’m going to learn, share, & recommend based off of my own experiences & those of my friends & strangers.  I find when you’re pregnant you get a lot of advice in NYC from people who are probably super smart & their advice makes sense.  I’d like to share it.  Plus, I’m on a tight budget & I’ve researched till the cows literally came home.

My family currently consists of my large husband (he’s a big dude), my little chubby beagle Chloe, & myself plus baby girl.  We live in New York City in approximately 600 sq feet.  Yeah, less is more in so many ways.

I look forward to sharing with you dear readers, the real truth, the whole truth, & nothing but the truth.  Please remember, I’m not a doctor & any advice is not fully vetted by a physician, but only a cadre of ladies & gentlemen who have been there & done it.