Overheard through screen door.
Daddy, “do you know what that is?”
“What?”
“Its for scooping up dog poop”
“It is? Dog poop?”
“Yes, to pick up dog poop from the yard”
“DOG POOP, WHERE ARE YOU?”
E is on the prowl now for poop.
I had previously told her it was a rake & rock mover to straighten her rock garden. Adults ruin everything.
Totally got parent shamed by the flight attendant on our frontier flight. After we were informed we’d be flying with andy the Antelope on our wing tips, she informed the flight (us) that babies must be changed in the restroom only, not in the seat…clearly for hygenic reasons. Then we must dispose of our diaper properly, in the trash.
Duh.
We had literally the only 2 children on the plane, & lady, this ain’t my first rodeo.
I left our trash on the floor instead & a soft pretzel in the sear pocket…because I’m not a bigger person. Its the small things.
Tip of the day : never parent shame, you don’t know my life. Im a smart mommy, don’t assume im an asshole.
On the plus side, got to budget car rental & got an Expedition at no extra cost (3am special). Cooling my butt on the air conditioned seats.
Its silent, but deadly. Like a ninja, stealthily seeping through until its too late. Your baby just shit on you. Literally.
It smells, & its sticky. Never looks good on adult clothes. With a onesie, youll never get it off without poo in the hair. So not only is it on your couch, clothes, baby hair & bod…you’re gonna have to give the creature a bath.
Is this article helpful? No. Why do I share? Because someone is covered in poo & its bad manners to bring up poop at work ALL the time. Gotta tell someone.
Share with us your worst poo. It will feel good, I swear… i like the filters on #abeautifulmess app. Brings a certain fairy like quality to shit. Who knew? Those ladies are geniuses.
P.S. for my baby dreft works well, or if your going au natural, doc bronners pre treat is stellar. For toddler clean, the only thing ive found that really gets out that pungent odor is oxi clean pre treat!
I saw this woman walk by in khakis & a tube top, while counting quarters with E on the laundry stoop.
Thought to myself, “interesting choice. Rock on. Wish i could wear that.”
I ran two avenues between wash cycles…someday soon bandeau, we’ll meet again. I swear it.
What you can’t see is the water flowing into the crack onto the floor….poo water.
Days like these, lead to nights like this, lead to….james blunt has no idea. Big E pooped her pants 3 times in the last 45 minutes. I swear it was willful. She pooed on the playground. Changed her. Walked her home. On the stoop as of group of 20 somethings walked by, she pulled down the back of her pants & said, “look. I pooped my pants”. I could see the effect of best birth control ever all over their face. You’re welcome. Showing me evidence on her fingers, as she wrapped her snakelike arms around my leg. I gave her a bath while L howled. Dried off, gave her a banana & started L’s nightly routine. Stopped this short as E walked in & said, “look at my tummy” “What is that?” “Poop” @$!# Cleaned up & came out to L’s screams where i had left her without a diaper. Poop. Now both are clean. One creature is gnawing on banana & peanut butter. The other, my boob. Tgif indeed.
This little lady just got cut off by 2 men in suits. Darted in front, then slowed down. Who does that? Momma just slowed her pace & sighed. I had a few choice words on her behalf….& played out the exchange in my head. Super satisfying.
Enjoy my photo!
So I’m overwhelmed with life. I post a lot about this on my facebook & instagram page. My friends said- you should blog it, we love it! I was a little surprised, because I’ve always had a crass sense of humor & was recording these as an outlet for myself. SO- I’m moving my facebook posts here and am going to stop trying to be what I’m not. Let’s get real, I don’t have time to melt crayons into hearts, or tell you about my latest steal. I also cannot keep up with lots of information. So while I navigate life, let me share a little with you.
Instead, I’ll share my fails & features of the day. A lot involve my oldest’s “I JUST CAN’T” moments in photo array.
Some involve the shit I have to clean up & the thoughts I have that sometimes I can’t believe I think….at the end of the day I’ve discovered through being a cra-cray Midwestern gal letting loose in the city & a mom just trying to make it work…don’t judge, you’re the next person who’s going to get shit on. For responsible wiping, try these…I wash them when it’s a pee so I can reuse.
https://goo.gl/photos/3B4f87RvgHsn8K5C6
Today Nana wanted to take little E to THE LION KING. Not recommended for children under 6. I have an extremely well behaved child (at least in public). After intermission, about 5 minutes in, while Simba reflected quietly on stage she first began to entertain herself by waving around our tickets printed on 8.5×11 sheets. Then she was hungry & digging through my purse. As silence fell across the audience, little E declared, ” I want to go home. i don’t like this. I’m done.” I took her papers away & her little arms started the tantrum flap like giant seagull.
I said prayers that she wouldn’t melt into my gremlin as I pulled her into my lap & said, “SHHHHH” hoping my intensity & deep breathing would affect her calm. Like a horse whisperer. Simba picked up the pace & the sound- meltdown avoided.
At the end, during applause I looked at the 7 year old next to us asleep in his mom’s lap. Disney overshot the length on this one. Cut out Simba’s heartfelt alone songs & reflections.
steelemommy 